Showing posts with label Marriage. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Marriage. Show all posts

Short Fuse

WOULD YOU BLOW YOUR TOP...
if your wife falsely accused you of looking at other women?
Hazrat Umar (radhiallahu anhu), famed for his sternness in matters Islamic, used to patrol the streets of Madinah at night, when he was Caliph, to check on the state of his subjects. One day his wife told him sharply, "You go to see the young women."
Umar (radhiallahu anhu) did not get angry at this false allegation. He calmly replied, "Allah Ta’ala knows best that what you say is not true."

WILL YOU TRIP A FUSE...
if your wife asked you to do the housework?
The Noble Prophet (sallallahu alaihi wa sallam) used to help in the house.
He is reported to have milked the goats, patched his own clothes, swept the floor of the house and carried items home from the bazaar.

DO YOU EXPLODE…
if your son-in-law has a tiff with your daughter?
Once Hazrat Faathima, daughter of the Prophet (sallallahu alaihi wa sallam), and Hazrat Ali (radhiallahu anhuma) had a misunderstanding.
Our beloved Prophet (sallallahu alaihi wa sallam) did not add fuel to the fire by berating Ali (radhiallahu anhu). He went up to him, rubbed the sand off his clothes and spoke to him kindly.

Tongue Lashing

A BEDOUIN once came to Umar (radhiallahu anhu) and then turned back without speaking to him.
Umar (radhiallahu anhu) sent someone to call him. He asked the Bedouin what he wanted. The Bedouin replied that it was nothing.
Umar (radhiallahu anhu) insisted that he be told his reason for coming.
The Bedouin said, "I came to seek advise with regards to my wife who constantly nags at me with her mouth. But when I came to your house, I heard you getting a worse tongue-lashing from your wife and I turned away, thinking what advise could you offer me if you were worse off than myself."
This is the same Umar (radhiallahu anhu) for whom the devil took another route when he saw him approaching.
Look at how he displays the character that made him so great!
This is the sublime way of Islam.

Benefits of marriage

PIOUS WIFE
The Prophet sallallahu alaihi wa sallam said: "The whole world is an object of use and benefit, and the best means of benefit is a pious woman."

MARRIAGE A FORT
The Prophet sallallahu alaihi wa sallam addressed Ukaaf radhiallahu anhu and said: "O Ukaaf! Marry or else you will be at a loss." As a result of Ukaaf radhiallahu anhu initially not marrying, the Prophet sallallahu alaihi wa sallam termed him "The brother of the Devil."

DESTITUTE
The Prophet sallallahu alaihi wa sallam termed a man who has no wife a destitute, even though he might have a lot of money. He likewise termed an unmarried woman.


Remedies to Spiritual Maladies, Moulana Hakim Akhtar

Manliness

THE BULK OF QUERIES RECEIVED BY ULAMA ORGANIZATIONS IN SOUTH AFRICA CONCERN MARITAL DISPUTES. IN MANY CASES, THE HUSBAND IS THE GUILTY PARTY.
One of the excuses put forward by the man is the intolerable nature of his wife, claiming that this drives him to seek comfort in illicit avenues. This is a deception of the Devil.

BECOMING ANGRY
The Noble wives of the Prophet (sallallahu alaihi wa sallam) used to become cross over domestic issues and the Prophet (sallallahu alaihi wa sallam) used to pacify them.

Umar (radhiallahu anhu) once found his daughter Hafsa (radhiallahu anha) speaking in a loud tone to her husband the Prophet (sallallahu alaihi wa sallam). He was aghast, but the wives of the Prophet (sallallhu alaihi wa sallam) knew that he would not be offended in the least.

SPECIAL PRIVELEGE

For the general Muslims it was a major sin to speak in harsh tones to the Prophet (sallallahu alaihi wa sallam) (Qur’aan 49:2)
But the wives of the Prophet (sallallahu alaihi wa sallam) were allowed this. It is reported that Aisha (radhiallahu anha) on one occasion shouted at the Holy Prophet (sallallahu alaihi wa sallam). Her father took offence but the Noble Prophet (sallallahu alaihi wa sallam) did not.
The love enjoyed between the Noble Prophet (sallallahu alaihi wa sallam) and his wife Aisha (radhiallahu anha) did not preclude her becoming angry with him nor did it entail him taking offence at her words.

IF ONLY MUSLIM MEN WOULD LEARN THIS SECRET OF MARITAL BLISS.

Words of Love

THE HOLY PROPHET (sallallahu alaihi wa sallam) taught husbands how to behave. His wife Hazrat Aisha (radhiallahu anha) set the standard for wives.

On being told by the Prophet (sallallahu alaihi wa sallam) that he knew she was displeased with him when she left out his name in conversation, Aisha (radhiallahu anha) replied,
"Quite true, but ... even in anger I only omit your name by mouth, never by heart!"

She once recited a couplet:
"Had the ladies who vilified Zulaikha witnessed the countenance of the Prophet (sallallahu alaihi wa sallam), instead of cutting fingers … they would have torn their hearts out!"

Exchanging words of love with one’s spouse is an action worthy of reward. Revive it.

Consultation and Marriage

THE PROPHET (SALLALLAHU ALAIHI WA SALLAM) used to discuss certain matters with his wives and ask their advise.

  • On receiving the first revelation, the Prophet (sallallahu alaihi wa sallam) went to his wife Khadijah (radhiallahu anha) who became a Muslim, consoled him and took him to her learned cousin for advise.
  • At Hudaybiyyah, when the Prophet (sallallahu alaihi wa sallam) ordered the Sahaaba to shave their heads, slaughter their animals and return to Madinah without performing Umrah, they remained in their places. He asked his wife Umme Salamah (radhiallahu anha) and she advised that as he was the Messenger, he should shave his head and slaughter and the people will follow suit. The Prophet (sallallahu alahi wa sallam) did so and the people followed.
  • Umar (radhiallahu anhu) said, "May Allah have Mercy upon the one who points out my shortcomings." Because a wife usually knows her husband better than anyone else, it is her place to offer him constructive criticism and it is his duty to consider it.

Ibn Rawahah radhiallahu anhu

Ikramah reports that Abdullah Ibn Rawahah (radhiallahu anhu) was lying with his wife. He got up, went to his slave girl and became engaged with her. His wife awoke and, not finding him, became worried. When she saw him with his slave girl, she went to her room and came out with a knife. Meanwhile, Ibn Rawahah had moved away.
He met his wife, knife in hand and asked what the matter was. She replied, "You’re asking what the matter is! If I had found you where I had seen you, I would have plunged the knife between your shoulders." Ibn Rawahah asked where she had seen him. She replied with the slave girl.
Ibn Rawahah said, "The Prophet (sallallahu alaihi wa sallam) has forbidden recitation of Qur’aan in a state of pollution (requiring a bath)." Hearing this, his wife said, "Recite the Qur’aan!" Ibn Rawahah recited some couplets of poetry in praise of the Prophet (sallallahu alaihi wa sallam).
On hearing this, his wife said, "I believe in Allah and disbelieve my eyes." Ibn Rawahah went early to the Prophet (sallallahu alaihi wa sallam) and related the incident. The Prophet (sallallahu alaihi wa sallam) laughed so much that his molars became visible.

[Hayatus Sahabah, v3, pg10/1]

Here we read of the tremendous love that a wife had for her husband that drove her to secure his love, of her unquestioning belief in the truth of Allah and His Prophet (sallallahu alaihi wa sallam), of the husband’s understanding that did not lead him to become abusive, and of a lesson in using wisdom to diffuse potentially acrimonious situations. May Allah Ta’ala Bless the Sahaabah.

Women's Rights

[This is part of the sermon delivered on the 9th of Dhul-Hijjah 10 A.H. in the 'Uranah valley of Mount Arafat' by the Prophet (sallallahu alaihi wa sallam)]

WOMEN’S RIGHTS
O People, it is true that you have certain rights with regard to your women but they also have rights over you.

TRUST FROM ALLAH TA’ALA
Remember that you have taken them as your wives only under Allah's trust and with His permission. If they abide by your right, then to them belongs the right to be fed and clothed in kindness.

PARTNERS & HELPERS
Do treat your women well and be kind to them for they are your partners and committed helpers.

Marriage Survival Kit

HERE ARE SOME POINTERS TO KEEP YOUR MARRIAGE ON TRACK:

  • Do not demand your rights- Discharge your obligations
  • Keep smiling - It is an act of charity!
  • Express praise and gratitude - All human beings share the same basic needs - to feel appreciated, respected and loved.
  • Never compare your spouse with others - The grass always looks greener on the other side!
  • Never insult your spouse in front of other people- It is a confession of your own weakness!
  • Never insult his/her relatives - It is demeaning and leads to a lack of self-confidence!

True Love in Marriage

REWARD FOR SHOWING LOVE:
The Prophet (sallallahu alaihi wa sallam) said: "one would be rewarded for anything that he does seeking the pleasure of Allah even the food that he puts in the mouth of his wife".
Never underestimate the seemingly little things as putting food in your wife’s mouth, opening the car door for her, etc. The Prophet (sallallahu alaihi wa sallam) used to extend his knee to his wife to help her up to ride the camel’

TILL DEATH AND BEYOND
It is not enough to love your wife. You have to love what she loves as well. Her family, her loved ones must also become your loved ones. Love for the wife should never end. We believe in life after death where does who did good in the world will be joined with their spouses. (Surah Al Zukhruf 43:70)
The Prophet (sallallahu alaihi wa sallam)’s love for Khadijah (radhiallahu amha), his wife of 25 years, extended to include all those she loved and continued even after her passing away. It was many years after her passing away and he never forgot her and whenever a goat was slaughtered in his house he would send portions to Khadijah (radhiallahu anha)’ family and friends.

[Shaykh Abdullah Adhami]

The Lighter Side of Marriage

A little boy asked his father how much it cost to get married. The father replied: "I don’t know, I’m still paying for it."

Marriage is a bed of roses with plenty of thorns in it!

A happy marriage is very much a matter of give and take; the husband gives and the wife takes.

Marriage is when a man and woman decide to become as one; the trouble starts when they try to decide which one!

Marriage is not a word; it is a sentence - A life sentence!

Love is entirely a matter of chemistry, which is why husbands are treated like toxic waste!


IF YOU ENJOYED THESE QOUTES, THEN THIS IS A BOOK FOR YOU:
Prophetic Formula For A Blissful Marriage is a 23-page guidebook to a successful and happy marriage the Islamic way.
Without being overbearing and often in a light-hearted manner, vital ingredients are presented for a blissful marriage. Prospective couples and those already married will benefit from the wisdom derived from the blessed way of the Prophet (sallallahu alaihi wa sallam).
Topics discussed include the object of marriage as well as ways to handle different, potentially disastrous situations commonly encountered in a marriage.
This is a must-have book for all. It is jointly published by Jamiatul Ulama Transvaal and KwaZulu Natal and costs in the region of R10.

Copies can be obtained from:
Jamiatul Ulama (KZN)
Tel: +27 (0)31 306 7786/4786
Jamiatul Ulama South Africa
Tel: +27 (0)11 373 8000  Fax: +27 (0)11 373 8022

Ready to Go

It is important for married couples to plan their marriage support systems in the same way they would plan for a journey:

Check your direction - Are you heading for a pleasant marriage? Do you need to change course?

Check your fuel - Are you running low on love and mercy?

Check your provisions - Are you equipped with Islamic values like avoiding sin?

Check your behaviour - Do you qualify for a COM (certificate Of Marriage-worthiness)?

MUSLIMS AGAINST VIOLENCE ON WOMEN

Messenger
The Prophet (sallallahu alaihi wa sallam) stated: "None of you should fall upon his wife like an animal but let there be first a messenger between you." The Sahaaba asked: "And what is that messenger?" He replied: "Kisses and words." (Daylami)
It is well to remember that this was centuries before the rest of the world recognised the need for a woman to be satisfied sexually, as well as the importance of foreplay.

Beating
The Prophet (sallallahu alaihi wa sallam) is reported to have said: "How could they beat their women in the daytime as they beat slaves and then sleep with them in the night (as lovers)?"


Muslim men cannot commit violence on their wives when they are exhorted to be so gentle
The most perfect belief is of those who are best mannered and most tender to their wives

Mysterious Marriage

With busy schedules, Muslim spouses forget the real reasons behind marriage and are deprived of the happiness that is the bedrock of a successful family. Some tips for a happy marriage:

Be Partners in Decision Making
Consult and make decisions as a family. This Sunnah increases love between family members.

Abuse
Abstain from every form of emotional, mental, or physical abuse to your spouse. The Hadith questions the manhood of one who beats his wife during the day and derives pleasure from her at night.

Watch Your Words
Be careful what you say when upset. Wounds afflicted to the heart by words will remain a lifelong memory.

Work Together in the House
Rasulullah (sallallahu alayhi wasallam) assisted his wives with household chores. When he did not consider housework trivial, how can we obligate our wives to all the house work and much more?

Communication is Important
Talk to each other, communicate, have a dialogue, but do it respectfully. It is better to deal with problems early and honestly than let them pile up until they explode.

Live Simply
Do not envy those who seem to be living a more luxurious life than you. Be pleased with what you have. The grass always look greener on the other side.

Admit Your Mistakes
When you make a mistake, admit it. When your mate makes a mistake, excuse him or her easily. Never sleep angry with each other.

Past Problems
Everything that has happened is history. Do not focus discussion on the past unless it is something that will make both of you laugh.


WORK HARD TO MAKE YOUR MARRIAGE WORK

Marriage Tips

Some tips on maintaining a happy marriage:

1. FEAR ALLAH: The Prophet (sallallahu alaihi wa sallam) used to conscientise spouses about the fear of Allah before performing a marriage by reciting verses from the Qur’aan which speak about the Taqwa (fear) of Allah. There can be no doubt about the success of a marriage governed by the fear of Allah.

2. NEVER BE ANGRY AT THE SAME TIME: Anger is the root cause of marital dispute. One Sahaabi came to the Prophet (sallallahu alaihi wa sallam) and sought advice. He was told thrice to control his anger. (Mishkaat, P433)

3. IF ONE HAS TO WIN AN ARGUMENT, LET IT BE THE OTHER: The Prophet (sallallahu alaihi wa sallam) said: "Whoever discards an argument despite being correct shall earn a palace in the centre of Paradise." (Ibid, Pg 412)

4. CRITICIZE LOVINGLY: The Prophet (sallallahu alaihi wa sallam) said: "A Believer is a mirror for a Believer."

5. PAST MISTAKES: Never bring up the past. The Prophet (sallallahu alaihi wa sallam) said: "Whoever conceals the faults of others, Allah shall conceal his faults on the day of Qiyamah."

6. NEGLECT THE WORLD, NOT YOUR SPOUSE: The Prophet (sallallahu alaihi wa sallam) confirmed the advice of Salmaan to Abu Darda (radhiallahu anhuma) for neglecting his wife. "Verily there is a right of your wife over you." (Nasai, Hadith 2391)

7. NEVER SLEEP WITH AN ARGUMENT UNSETTLED: Abu Bakr (radhiallahu anhu) resolved his dispute with his wife over feeding the guests before going to bed. (Bukhari, Hadith 602)

8. NEVER SHOUT: Luqmaan (alaihis salaam) adviced his son: "and lower your voice for verily the most disliked voice is that of a donkey." (Surah Luqmaan, Verse 19)

Cure for Adultery

INTERACTION BETWEEN males and females and the resultant zina (adultery) is one of the greatest impediments to a Muslim’s worldly and Islamic progress. Here are some cures for this sin (and its offshoot AIDS):

1. CURE THE CAUSE
Islam advocates a complete cure, not just a treatment of the symptoms.
Do not come close to the things that lead to adultery. [Qur’aan]
Use your intelligence to see what causes you to commit the sin and plan ways to stay away from them. Using the intellect to be a better Muslim is encouraged in the Qur’aan.

2. CONSULT OPENLY WITH THE ULAMA
Find a learned scholar and communicate your problems openly with him.
A Sahaabi came to the Prophet (sallallahu alaihi wa sallam) and asked permission to commit adultery. He was given a prescription

3. LEADERS SHOULD TAKE A HAND
Responsible people need to help youth away from the avenues of this sin with wisdom.
The Prophet (sallallahu alaihi wa sallam) turned a young Sahaabi’s face away from looking at a lady.

4. SPEAK TO CHILDREN
Start sex education early with language appropriate to their age. Be open.
Young Sahaaba listened to the Prophet (sallallahu alaihi wa sallam)’s talks on the subject and read and understood Qur’aanic verses dealing with adultery.

Marriage Recipe

1 cup consideration
1 cup courtesy
2 cups human kindness
2 cups carefully expressed compliments
5 litres faith in one another
5 litres trust in each other
2 cups praise
1 dash of in laws
1 dash co-operation
3 teaspoons pure extract of I’m wrong
1 cup contentment
1 cup encouragement
2 cups blindness in each other’s faults

Flavour with frequent portions of recreation, a dash of happy memories and the love taught by the Prophet (sallallahu alaihi wa sallam).

Believe and trust in only Allah Ta’ala.

Method:
Put together and stir well. Remove specks of jealousy, criticism, temper and non-forgiveness.

Look Down

The Qur’aan commands Muslim men to lower their gaze from looking at women; and likewise the women to lower their gaze [24:30/1]
Modern research discovered that looking at indecent pictures like porn and naked people has physical harms as well. Psychologists in a Yale and Vanderbilt University study in USA found that after looking at an erotic scene subjects had difficulty processing visual information for a fifth of a second. Such emotion-induced blindness could affect drivers who see a provocative billboard. (Popular Mechanics, Dec 2005)
Allah is Most Wise

Price of Leadership

A’isha (radhiallahu anha) said a man does not become the head of the household until he gives up the concern about what he wore and what food he ate to satisfy his hunger (out of consideration for the other members of his family). (Kanz)
The Prophet (sallallahu alaihi wa sallam) said in the farewell sermon: ‘Fear Allah regarding women; for you have taken them (in marriage) with the trust of Allah.’ (Mishkat)
The Prophet (sallallahu alaihi wa sallam) was asked about the obligations of husbands in relation to their wives, and he said, ‘You should feed her when you eat; clothe her (in a fitting manner) when you clothe yourself; neither strike her on the face, nor use impolite language (when addressing her), nor separate from her except in the house (should it become necessary).’ (Mishtat)

The Need for Love in Marriage

This is the most important need. Couples have a tendency overlook it. Love is vital for happiness of marital life. Couples should renew their love continuously. The following are methods that nurture love between husband and wife:

Do not compare premarital relations and marriage. It is unfair. Couples frequently worry about absence of the intense emotions felt before. They forget these feelings mature into other types of love and express themselves in more mature ways.

Do not surrender to life's burdens. Marital life can get complicated, especially when children enter the picture. Couples feel the everyday pressure of caring for children, their homes and spouses. It’s easy to be overwhelmed and forget to smile or laugh.

Do not use other couples as the standard. Husbands and wives should refrain from making comparisons with other couples. The husband must not tell his wife so and so is better than you, nor vice versa. It offends.

Be forgiving of shortcomings. Look past minor failings and concentrate on the positive. The focus should be on good deeds and encouragement of anything that promotes harmony, respect and love.

Simplicity. Life is complicated enough. Work to simplify it for one another. Home should be a sanctuary from the stresses of life.

Express your love. Couples should express their love to each other by all means possible. They should nurture, strengthen and enjoy it. Our Prophet Muhammad (sallallahu alaihi wa sallam) was the most loving husband. This expression may be needed more when the wife goes through difficult times, like pregnancy or delivery. A loving touch, a gentle word or a smile, are often all it takes to assure the other of your love, support and appreciation.

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